I was inspired by a colleague this week. I watched her work with someone nearly broken, a woman who still says she cares for the man who harms her. She is ambivalent about what to do. I had thought my co-worker might be soft-voiced and exceedingly careful but was illuminated by her ways and means. They are of a different culture than I am and I had asked for assistance, her insight so I might better understand. I watched her at work.
She was first polite, with few words. But soon she became bold and frank. She was insistent while respectful in her pleading for change. She didn’t cover the truth with easy lies or elaborate good will. The reality is: this person could lose her life to domestic violence. My colleague had seen it happen and so she was clear: “Save yourself, your children. You are a good woman and you need to stay alive.”
And then there is another client I work with whose face has visited me all week. She is slipping back into a lifestyle that demands violence as a ticket to live. It is this or possibly not survive, and she mostly believes it can still work right now. It is what she knows, and it is her default when she wants to give up. With her I am calm and gentle. I have to wait. I note the signs of her anger and speak about the depression that keeps her numb and listen for the moment when she will stop fighting life, herself, me, everyone. When she will remember how much she wants a little peace, a small kindness. Then she may look at me with eyes unguarded, the door open a crack, for at least an instant. I will have to be ready to respond. It has happened before. It can happen again. I know who she thinks owns her; she is hostage to this belief. But I am not afraid of her anger , just for her weary and scarred life. I am patient as one must be with any badly wounded creature, so that she will raise her head and see a hand not to maul but to accept.
So, four women, two of whom care and want to make a difference, two of whom are riddled with confusion but have so much to offer this world.
Later when I took a long walk after work and saw the century old trees shimmer in the light and heard the birds carousing, I thought, “this, this, this wonder!” But then the women came to me with their sorrow and need and a poem made itself with each step: This this this wonder that you survive….
This this this!
Wonder that you survive brutality.
I see you kneel:
your heart like a cup dipped
in shallow bitter waters.
But the well is so deep
you cannot see the bottom
where light spreads itself over the universe.
You have been tricked with blindness
that dark fruit of ceaseless disregard.
Let me see you stand
and reach into the sweet unknown
pull up that mysterious power that loves you.
It speaks your lost, blameless name.
This this this
wonder that you
I see you kneel,
one day will see your cup running over
I will see you rise up
with blazing-white wings
and your eyes will not weep
o yes your eyes will so shine
Love should not hurt. Help stop domestic violence.